Let’s be honest, we all understand what a billboard is for. They are designed for the specific purpose of attracting the eye, holding attention, and communicating a message. No one erects a billboard beside the highway only to become offended the moment people look at it. Yet somehow, when a young lady deliberately presented her body in a way that emphasizes her breasts, butt cheeks, or other intimate parts, we are expected to pretend that no message is being communicated at all.

Our culture insists that clothing is expressive until someone asks what it is expressing. We are told, “It is just self-expression,” as though that settles the matter. But expression is never empty. To express something is to communicate something. If clothing can express personality, confidence, individuality, rebellion, status, or style, then it can also express sensuality and a desire to be noticed. We cannot praise clothing for sending a message when we like the message, then suddenly insist that clothing says nothing when the message becomes uncomfortable. The entire fashion industry depends upon the fact that clothing communicates. It emphasizes. It conceals. It reveals. It directs the eye.

We cannot spend billions of dollars teaching people that appearance attracts attention and then suddenly pretend that appearance means nothing when the subject becomes modesty. A young lady who deliberately billboards certain parts of her body knows, at least in some measure, what she is doing. She knows where the eye is being directed. She knows what receives attention. She knows what produces reactions. Our culture has trained young women in these things from childhood through advertising, social media, entertainment, and fashion. It is therefore rather strange for adults to pretend that a seventeen year old can understand how clothing, posture, presentation, and appearance draw the eye, but somehow becomes completely unaware of what she is communicating when she walks out the front door.

And this is where parents have badly confused love with permission. A parent may choose to turn a blind eye, but the world does not. The father who says, “I do not see anything wrong with it,” should understand that his refusal to see does not make everyone else blind. Young men see it. Older men see it. Men of poor character see it. Predatory men see it.

The very parts of the body being billboarded are precisely the parts upon which attention will fall.

That does not give anyone permission to mistreat her. It does not excuse lust, harassment, wickedness, or predatory behavior. Another person’s sin remains his own responsibility. But surely we have become foolish if we cannot distinguish between saying, “No one has the right to harm you,” and saying, “Nothing you communicate has any effect upon how people perceive you.” Those are not the same statement.

If I place a billboard beside the highway, I cannot reasonably be astonished that people read it. The entire purpose of a billboard is to capture the eye. We understand this perfectly everywhere except when understanding it would require us to recover the word modesty.

And then there is another uncomfortable question. Young women frequently ask, “Where are the good men? Where are the men of character? Where are the men who will honor me, respect me, protect a family, remain faithful, and take marriage seriously?” It is worth considering that the very presentation designed to gather the greatest amount of male attention may not gather the attention of the kind of man you actually hope to marry.

Attention is not the same thing as admiration. Desire is not the same thing as respect. Being noticed is not the same thing as being valued.

A man of character may see a woman presenting her body as a primary means of gaining attention and conclude that their values are very different. The man you hoped would notice may intentionally keep his distance, while the men whose attention you never wanted are quite willing to stare. There is a terrible irony here. A young woman may dress to receive attention and then discover that she has attracted precisely the kind of attention she did not want, while discouraging the kind of man whose character she claims to desire.

Parents ought to think seriously about this. Your daughter is learning what womanhood means, and your silence is teaching her just as surely as your words would. When you refuse to establish boundaries because you are afraid she might think you are old fashioned, judgmental, controlling, or out of touch, you have not ceased influencing her. You have simply allowed the culture to become her instructor.

Culture is an extraordinarily poor parent.

The tragedy becomes even greater when the same thinking enters the church. The gathering of God’s people should be one of the few places remaining where we understand that the body is not a billboard and worship is not a runway. Yet increasingly, clothing in the church can become spectacle. Bodies are emphasized. Attention is deliberately drawn. Everyone is expected to pretend not to notice because noticing the obvious has somehow become a greater offense than displaying it.

There is something backwards about rebuking the person who notices the billboard while refusing to ask why the billboard was erected.

Christian modesty asks us to consider not merely whether something is permitted, but what it communicates. It asks whether I am drawing attention toward myself in a way that competes with the dignity I claim to possess. It asks whether I desire to be known first for my body or for my character. It asks whether my outward presentation agrees with the inward virtues I profess.

Parents once understood that children required guidance precisely because children could not yet see every consequence of their choices. Today we have reversed the arrangement. Children express a desire, adults sanctify it, schools celebrate it, culture reinforces it, and eventually even churches become afraid to question it. The child has become the moral compass, and the adults dutifully follow.

But children do not need parents who merely approve of whatever they choose. They need parents who love them enough to tell them the truth.

Young lady, your body has dignity. It does not need to be advertised to establish your worth. You may attract more eyes by displaying more of yourself, and perhaps that attention is exactly what you are seeking. But attention is cheap. The better question is what kind of attention you are attracting, what it is teaching you to value, and whether being noticed is becoming a substitute for being respected.

And parents, do not comfort yourself by saying that you do not notice what your daughter is communicating. Others do. Your responsibility is not to pretend the billboard cannot be read.

Your responsibility is to teach her that she was made for something far greater than being one.